an thats the answer

Allahuakbar, rasenye mcm baru je tadi menulis.
because im bad in rephrasing so i just quote. i know this person is talking about her long longing for a husband. which not in my case. but still, ada ibrah yang Allah mahu saya sedar.

if Allah were to give to you one thing, Which one would you choose?"
She opened up the palm of her right hand and said,
"Heaven"
Then she opened up the palm of her left hand, and said,
"A husband"

I was at a standstill.

No words came out of my mouth.
And tears quickly flowed down my cheeks.
And I said immediately, "Heaven ya Allah. Your Heaven."
Dr. Peeds tapped my hands with her two hands and I understood what she meant.

All this while I was looking for a man and have been maintaining that I was doing it for the sake of Allah. Yes I haven't cross any unlawful boundaries. But my persistence and frustrations and feelings about it have shown that I have strayed from my initial target, which is Allah himself. I have been so obsessed on the "man", that Allah, the one who's actually making the man appear or not, is lost in my obsession. Yes I am making the effort that every muslim should make to get what they want. And that Allah as He says in the Qur'an will reward only those who makes the effort. But results have shown that with all the efforts that I have made and all the outcomes that Allah had made happened..., I haven't really been all that accepting have I? I haven't been accepting Allah's decrees. I haven't been accepting Allah's flow of life for me. I basically have just been sulking all these time, haven't I?


so thats was me. being sulking all this while..
sekiranya benar niat kita kerana Allah, pasti akan diberi kemudahan. walaupun dengan kesusahan. kerana bagi setiap kesusahan ada kemudahan. Allahuakbar,,,

from now on, focus your strengh and intention just for Allah. reclaim your heart sakinah. insyaAllah everything will be fine. benda yang hilang tu bukan awak punye. kalau awak punye pown, biarkan Allah yang menyimpannya. bukan semua benda perlu ada dalam pandangan awak. saya halalkan apa yang hilang. kerana semua tu pinjaman Allah. saya hanya menjaga. bila awak hilang, saya mencari bagai nak gila. saya lupa, awak pun Allah yang punya. kalau Allah mahu, sudah tentu disampaikan pada saya. tapi awak hilang di tengah jalan. 

Allah, perkara ini boleh saya lepaskan. ada perkara yang saya belum cukup kua untuk lepaskan. semoga setiap ujian itu yang mampu saya tanggung.

Allahuakbar
Alhamdulillah

sehingga bertemu, sekiranya bukan disini, didaerah yang lebih indah dan abadi. bila? bila-bila :)