saya tahu saya x cantik..

Saya tahu saya tidak cantik.. Tapi, walaupun saya tidak cantik, saya tetap ada kelebihan..

Kerana saya tidak cantik, saya tidak jadi mangsa gangguan lelaki-lelaki yang rosak akhlaknya.

Kerana saya tidak cantik, saya dapat pelihara diri saya daripada pandangan bernafsu lelaki yang tidak menjaga pandangannya.

Kerana saya tidak cantik, saya selamat daripada menjadi senjata iblis mencairkan iman lelaki.

Kerana saya tidak cantik, saya tidak mendapat fitnah dan cemburu daripada wanita-wanita lain.

Kerana saya tidak cantik, saya tidak mengharapkan pujian daripada mana-mana lelaki dan wanita.

Dan kerana saya tidak cantik, akhirnya saya menemui insan yang ikhlas mencintai saya seadanya.

Kerana saya tahu.. Saya tidak cantik pada pandangan manusia.. Maka saya akan berusaha agar kelihatan cantik pada ALLAH.. Kerana bukan kecantikan dunia yang saya kejar... Tapi KECANTIKAN di akhirat kelak..

sowrie

hahah..i kinda funny to read my previous post back.seriously im not eligible enough to become a doctor. org kata hati die "lembut" sangat. definitely that is my weakness since...(entahlah)

datanglah mana2 bangala jual karpet or org mintak derma..hati aku will be so sayu to look at them.and once people shout at me i can take only 2 second to cry. pathetic betul la..but i like the way i am. yes..i like to cry. tak kesahlah ape org nak kata. ciwek..jiwang..aku pun tak pernah kesah kalu org lain asyik nak terjerit. this is me. bare with it (if you think worth doing so)
haisy..lama dh x mengeluh.seronok pulak kadang2 buat. u noe what theres one fact which i think very interesting. kenapa bila kite mengeluh kita akan rasa like relieve sket? kenape?kenape?..

jawabnye..

ade org kata adanye huruh "H" kat situ.mcm kite let go beban yang kite ade. the same when u sebut ALLAH. END DIE SAMA KAN. and kite akan tenang dengan selalu menyebut ALLAH.

so rather than asyik mengeluh ADUHHH...change to ALLAH..

try it...

sad surrounding..

ya Allah
kurniakan aku sedikit saja lagi kesabaran. i noe thing things will not be that long enough kan?.everytime whenever i start a discussion on this it will definetly end up with tension,sad and today tears.why cant they undesrstand my situation. its like mcm balloon dekat tengah2 of two different person. and neither of them want to understant that this is simply not me. i cant do this. why cant people leave me alone. why they can tolerate with others but not me. do they hate me?.just because im not that expressive as elisha. not as brave as nina. everyday...people keep on saying to me that im the one that is wrong because i dont want to change. believe me,,i keep on seeking things that would make me a better person. i even put my self on risk because i think that will be a better things for me and my future. but yet none appreciate with what im doing. rejection and condemnation is like my truly best friend.

Allah,
once i prayed that i want a friend that could always hold my hand through that day and this long journey. i cant see them yet..

sorry to those who read this post. i really need to burst it out.and i didn't create this blog for you. but for me. despite anything that you wanna think or say. i dont care. even i didn't grow to this age with any of it...

twitter and fb

this is my new craze. i dont think it is aplicapple for the first one but seriously yes for the second. why???..oh my it just that i cant stop my finggers from reading all the notification. am i waiting for someone? for some extend..yes..but the person didnt pop up that often nowdays and im learning to have a life without that person since i've already found the new one which i think more suitable for me now and future.
future? naah...not that suitable actually. still need to find a better group. but yet this one really illl never get rid from it. you guys rock my life by just some talk and smile.but yet it enough to plaster all the hole that years carved on my hearts.
cewahh...no offend ok!

anyhow..really need to start my tok and ee project soon1.i have no other time (why im talking like tommorrow the world gonna end). seriously living in this college its seems that ur having a different world from the others. im no longer even to understand an remember when actually the holiday is. everything just the same.

just a nother day

i seems very long since my last post in this blog. actually each day theres so many things that i would like to carve it here so that my future children or maybe grandchildren could read it and figure out something about me. i just realize that im an expressive person. i cant actually kept something to myself more than a week. really..believe me..i can prove it. from the tiny little things until to the most embarrassed things.yes i did tell others about it. how..its like i dont have anything that i hide.but i just like the way i am.

just went back from SAMSMEL.we actually had a small bukak puasa event there. really an evergreen place.there are something in ustaz fadzil speech which cought my attention.hear to this line "kamu semua mungkin tak perasan sudah jauh kamu berjalan, tapi bagi kami para guru..kami nampak betapa cepat dan banyaknye kamu telah dewasa dan belajar"..seriously it kind a silk to my ears. i almost burt into tears hearing to such line. how i had abondoned them sometime and actually how they hoped that well always turn back and look even for a second.

thank you to all the teachers that teach me about life especially ustaz fadzil who teach me a lot about what is actually a sacrifice mean.thanks to Allah for giving me the chance to be tought by such great mankind.

does such teacher exist?? whoa.. ill never sleep in his class...

adik

heres some quote which i think its very interesting. i dont know for u guys but it is for me. she's simply funny..

situation 1
adik : haisy along ni tak kawin lagi dh pakai kain batik..
along : sejak bile syarat pakai kain batik kene kawin dulu huh?

situation 2
abah : sape tak mandi and solat tak boleh bukak puasa
adik : like who i care!
(tulah pentingnye english education...alahai adik aku ni..)

situation 3
ummi : doalah masa hujan tengah lebat sebab nanti dimakbulkan
adik : kalau doa ummi dapat anak lagi, Allah makbulkan tak?
ummi : gulp..itu ummi tak nak..
(ummi said 5 is enough)
ummi ; takpelah tunngulah anak along
adik : ala..mase along ade anak, adik dh tak suke baby. lagi pun along suka baby,,mesti asyik die je pegang.tak kasi orang lain.
(another assumption which is i think correct!!! of course,its my baby after all)

situation 4
ya : tumbuk doll adik..
(ya tumbuk sampai hilang dh suara doll ain yg boleh nagis2 tu)
adik : aiyok...tak tau..
ya : mati dh doll adik..
adik : angah!,,kite kene solat jenayah lah mcm ni
(adik!!! its not jenayah but jenazah ler)
tapi kalu pikir balik..mmg jenayah utk contex tu,,ya membunuh doll adik

huwaaa...ade banyak lagi quote die yang menarik.especially yang kisah PAU tu. she just cant differentiate between pau makan and pau duit. tgelak abang yang pau die tu.

 maybe i should keep it and show it to her once she's matured enough to think. now she'll keep on grumble and get angry once we repeat all those things. anyway u just simply cute with ur own style..

penantian.

benarlah sesungguhnya penantian itu satu penyeksaan..

BILA LAH MATH PORTFOLIO SAYA NAK SIAP!!!!

penat dah menunggu

bila yang biasa dh tak boleh biasa

the title itself had already resemble my status right now. seriously it is not easy but because i do understand , know and realize that this isn't the eternal and forever

so i choose the one that is more certain

do guide me..

is it that far?

tenang..

just wanna share this pic

lokasi..bilik sendiri

..

ok bukan pintu tu yang nak di highlight kan

entah lah..

ada mcm rasa tenang bile nampak telekung tu tersidai kat pintu

luar biasa hebatnye

kalau tengah serabut pun, boleh hilang

ni baru telekung..belum solat lagi

sebuah jiwa bernama hamba

setiap hari kita berjalan dan terus berjalan dan jarang sekali mengerling mencari haluan baru kerana terfikir sentiasa kita berada pada landasan terbaik.

hingga ke suatu hari baru kite sedar perjalanan tanpa peta pasti ini tenyata sesat dan menyesatkan

mungkin kah kerana itu,,

kite sentiasa gelisah

sentiasa rasa bersalah

sentiasa rasa kehidupan tak ubah dinginnya bak desa salju

subhanallah,

fizikal asal pun sudah lama memberitahu hidup kita sudah lama tersasar

namun masih lagi kita berkira-kira.mengapa? tak yakinkah kita? masih kurangkah bukti dari NYA?

kita berjalan lagi

ketemu kepada 4 simpang

nama kita tertera pada yang ketiga

aduh...

itulah jalan yang dilaknati Allah

Astagfirullah

kita ambil kain keinsafan dan padamkan dengan air taubat

masihkah mampu kita menukar haluan. kepada yang ke-empat yang terbaik

atau air taubat kita tipu semata

yang membuatkan kita jatuh terperosok dalam lubang yang pertama yang maha dahsyat gelapnya

ya Allah,

sedetik pun aku tak menyesal mengenalimu

walaupun sepanjang perjalanan aku sedari betapa rendah dan hina nya Aku

namun itu semua mendidikku untuk memiliki

sebuah jiwa bernama HAMBA

Alhahamdulillah...

yang besar semakin membesar..

siapa yang besar dan siapa yang membesar? kite semualah. as you walk alonh your life everything becomes bigger,. just look at your physical and as well as responsible.bercakap tentang hal tangungjawav, pernah seketika saya bermimpi..sekiranya saya hilang dari muka bumi ini (bukan meninggal duni...hilang dalam hutan or else)..rasenye pasti banyak yang susah. maka ayah kawan risau, scholar sibuk cari sbb nak suro masuk blaja balik,bank,ekon,politik (ceh..) bla..bla..bla..pendek kata dalam usia sebegini banyak sangat yang mula aku bersangkut dengan urusan duni. ada urusan2 dlm dunia ni bakal tergendala sbb tergendalanya aku. korang faham ke?.tak pe2.

masa kita baby2 dulu..we dont touch anything pasal dunia ni. tak de banyak angat sangkut paut but once dh besar, we get to involve in many things. sekarang faham?

itu je nak stress kan. entah..tak tau apsal bd tu yang come across mind justnow

tapi one thing yang aku percaya, Allah tak kurniakan segalanya tanpa alasan. pernah tak terpikir kenape kita yang duduk di mana kite sedang duduk bilamana orang lain sedang berdiri. kenapa kita disini dan dia di sana. kenapa kita senyum dan dia menangis dan kenape dia ada dan kita hampir hilang?..kenape ek?sangat cantik sbnarnye setip derap langkah yang Allah aturkan buat kita. hatta bernilainya sebuiah nafas ni. Subhanallah. agaknya dah berapa kali Allah make us come across hidayah dia. dan berape kali kita jalan tanpa buka sedikit ruang pun untuk hidayah NYA  menjengah. dan setiap hari jugalah hidayah itu menunggu untuk masuk dan ketuk pintu hati ini. bukan pemilik hati itu takde kunci kepada hati itu namun sememangnya kejapnya pintu itu walaupun bukan kita pemilik kunci itu.faham ke?

hidup..benar satu anugerah

buat mereka yang celik mata hatinya

mengenali DIA yang esa

sedarlah kehidupan

sedarlah kematian

dua makhluk yang hidup atas percaturan yang maha esa

dan kita yang turut bersidang..

tulisan berdakwat ikhlas

Assalamualaikum..(kalau ikut versi maria elena kene tambah.."tak jawab dose, kalau jawab sayang"..hehehe..cute kan)

just wanna share a story. actually i dont have any intention to purposely share. it is just for my eye actually. but since i have a complicated decision (whether to make mablog private or public)./so i guess i'll just proceed. being me.seriously..most of what i post here is me. maybe somehow i did cover2 sket. but most of it. yup thats me. for those who know me dari luar je,,i guess u'll think twice.owh..maybe thousand

"die ke ni?"

but im sure thats not whats going to happen to those who already know me quit sometime.

"this is me isnt it?"

ok whatever..

i just wanna share..

like what i kept on posting on mablog lately. for those who know..ada kecelaruan pemikiran sikit. tengelam timbul sometime i think im right. sometimes not. but mostly i do realize it is wrong. i didn't really kept in by my side. I've told several and most of it also agree with me. it is not good. only diba yang a bit positive on it (no to forget my bes-tie..zaim.)

and today..

after several doa and prayer

i realize something. not to say that im being very sensitive but i do felt sad somehow of what he did to me.

i admit ab bit frustrated since i look up on him this days

but..

i guess thats the best. for me to hate him. for me so that he is not everything. for me to realize theres someone that i need to care more

"sangat baik kalau Allah tak temukan kita dengan mana2 cinta manusia.sbb itu tandanya Allah tak mau hati kita dikecewakan.takde cinta setulus cinta Allah"

yes..i admit.

bukan ape pun sbanrye. i always stand differently from other.every aspect-in my life is so special and different. theres no one have the-same-story like me. and this is my new episode that ended juat the same with the previous but much better perhaps

please be better

tak suka

entah ape yang aku tangah fikir. ini ke jalan yuang Allah tunjuk. kita mmg tak baik sakit hati dengan orang.tapi in a way itu yang die buat. kite kan manusia. salahke kite rase sakit hati. ?

mmg tak salah nak sakit hati.mmg tu sifat semulajadi manusia.tp manusia yang hebat adalah manusia yang boleh mengawal dirinya masa time2 genting mcm tu. biarlah ape pun yang orang buat. senyum sudah. kite kene kuat bak kate cikgu saya dulu2. kite yang menetukan samada ape yang orang lain buat dekat kite tu menyakitkan kite atau tak. pilihan kite. berlapang dada and terima dan jangan rase sakit ape pun. mmg nature die. kalau mampu tegur. ni yang frust tak semengena2 ney..sape susah?..kite jugak

benci giler die. die malukan aku..

ke awak yang pikir bukan?.die tak bermaksudpun nak maksudkan awak dalam maksud die tu (huh?)..biaselah,,,awk perempuan..perasannye segelen lebih dari org yang selain awk.(ape aku cakap ni)

kesimpulannye..hiduplah setiap hari untuk kebaikan diri. kecuali pada bende2 yang mmg awk kene fikir pasal orang lain. yang optional tu...tunggu sampai bd tu jadi perlu dan sangat2 perlu. barulah fikir pasal bende tu

p/s: ni kalau cakap ngan umi ni mesti kene marah sbb suke pikir pasal perasaan orang sangat..huwaaaa...

just wanna say...

kemudia,kau tak ku hirau  lagi

thanks for the lesson

Alhamdulillah..tq for opening my heart and eye to see it

hope that it will never came back

Thanks for taking me out from the  frustrated list

i'll search you

thanks for making the way easier

Alhamdulillah

no more yesterday's rubbish

hope to see or heard it no more

im new..we are new

insyaAllah

hope that the flower already found it place

love that place

and it'll never turn for others

insyaAllah

Alhamdulillah...

mengantuknyer.

ADEH..

kelas tadi..

SANGAT MENGANTUK!!!!!

ok i know im not that cute.

next

lama tangan tak menulis

apatah lagi bila mengetahui ada yang membaca..fuh makin berat untuk menari kembali tangan ini.bukan apa apa yang kulakarkan seriously just for me and the one that know. yup...saya suka bermain dengan kata-kata dan perkataan dan membuatkan orang lain keliru dalam gelap yang terang adalah hobi baru saya

saya tak tau apa state saya sekarang

i've decided to get rid of it.cube jarakkan dan kalau boleh tukar je ngan orang lain. i was thinking of her name but i do know how busy she is

another one. i dont know. boleh ke?. because the another person already know its me. owh...

aku malaspun ingin mengangkat pandangan mataku kearahnya kerana tau mata tak mampu melawan sinar itu

hati tak mampu menidakkan

mulut tak mapu berhenti

ok stop..no post about this no more..

may the next path is better

apa yang aku cari?

satu persoalan yang sukar untuk aku jawab saat dan ketika ini.

lama telah aku berjalan dan baru kini ku sedari..perjalananku tanpa peta pasti

hanya meraba-raba dlam gelap dan sering terpersona dengan percikan cahaya kecil

yang tidak menjanjikan cahaya selamanya

salahkan aku?kalahkah aku? atau kerana mereka

aku...aku..aku..siapa aku?

apa yang aku cari sbnarnye dalam hidup. ok senang kata everyone nak keredhaan Allah. aku pun nak bd yang sama. tapi bila fikir2 balik..betul ke itu yang aku usahakan.let just say currently i'm facing a problem which i think him is the reason for me to stay. aku tau bende ni salah but sape boleh tidakkan fitrah

Ya Allah...

salah..salah..

kepada sahabatku,

terima kasih kerana memberiku tunjuk ajar..terima kasih mengajarkan ku erti ditinggalkan..terima kasih kerana membuatku teringatkan kesalahan lalu..terima kasih kerana menyisihkan ku

benar..terima kasih

we still the same isnt it?

y u guys did this things to. u guys focusing on those that definetly wont accept that easy and u left me who want u guys.

im learning the same thing we aim the same thing. what actually things that u guys want.

please dont do this to me

i pray that whenever i go i'll meet sahabat yang soleh. i thought it was u guys. but u neglected me

but like i say..thanks.

now i know what's lily's feeling when we did the same thing to her

im sory lilly

but at last i turn to you

will they turn to me?

dont leave me alone

please

i dont want ot mess up with him all the time

im a girl for God sake

how im suppose not to have those feeling

but you guys left me.........
  

anyway..to him..thank for your positive opinion yesterday

is this me? the who is her?

tajuk mmg macam takleh nak bla tajuk

but that is what i felt now 

eke? tp ak x nafikan, ak mmg rase selesa but somehow it put me in uncomfourtable situation

ireally miss her

her that is very strong,so good,sacred

but is that me? or this?

to be her?or stay as me?

which one?????

who am i. is this me?

what should i do. what should i take.

musim ini

musim ini..kerja part time aku pun bermula. part time ke?

bukanlah thats what a friend should be

musim ni paling kau tak suke sekali...bagi yang agak berjaya best kowt musim ni

aku yang winter sejak dulu masih lagi kesejukan kat sini and dh mcm nak beku

banyak kali aku rase mcm nak lari and air mata ni tak yah cakap lah berape kali hdh bayar tol nak keluar

 tapi...

bile aku tengok kawan2 yang lain..aku gagahkan jugak diri.

mana boleh kita sma2 jatuh.nanti sapa nak tarik tangan diorang naik. even kaki sebelah aku dh lama patah

aku pun tak tau aku berpaut pada dahan mana..

aku sampai cakap kat diba.."diba kalini biar ana pulak jadi tak kuat."

aku pun teringin nak mengadu. teringin nak cry on someone shoulder

but to who? semua pun ada masalah.

mungkin ini yang Allah nak ajar. kalau kita timbal balik.takde siape pun layakn dengar masalh kite sebelum Allah. aku pernah try but i left it. kite selalu prejudis sbb kite pikir mengadu dengan Allah tak boleh dpt jawan straight away. who said?ok i didnt have anyr=thing to prove but i do believe that he's the one that hold every and each of our heart. mana tau die gerakkan hati org tuk nasihat kite. die susun perjalann hidup

Subhanallah..

Allah,

im sory for leaving u behind. do make me strong. i really need it.i dont know to whom i should ask. aku tak pandai berpura-pura dengan MU. kau tau aku tak kuat. kau tahu aku pura2 kuat. kau tahu..

please...

they are comming

who?

hehehe

our beloved juniors

to all junior of saya lebah

a veryyyyyyyy all the best

pedulikan whatever they said about IB. every person have different way how the see things

what might consider bad for someone might be good for others

u own the colour pensils now

we have the drawing block

paint it ur self according to ur desire

it can be this way

or maybe this way

up to you lol..

one step at a time. theres no way to rush..